Guess Who's Bizzzack..LOVEQUEEN formerly known as Cristi Dianne. A lot has happened since I stopped blogging about a year and a half ago and as you all know, life has kept going with its ups and downs. These are the times of a skyrocketing unemployment rates, nationwide foreclosures, stolen savings, oil spills, continuous threats of terror, war and natural disasters. Some of these problems have hit very close to home for me and people in my family. I was personally affected by the downward economy when I lost my job of 5 years in blink of an eye and to much surprise. I often think back on that day and the moment when I walked out of my former office with no hope of finding anything new and a question of how will this change my life? I could have never foreseen all the ways that it did and I know it is by God's favor and mercy that I made it thru those difficult days. As a human, I was having a hard time seeing the light through the darkness but as a child of God, I never truly lost faith. Also I am a Cancer and we are known for being incredibly tenacious. One of my many sayings is I am like a cat so I will always land on my feet and I did. With prayers and the support of my family and friends, I found a new job with a Fortune 500 company in exactly one month to the date I got laid off. GOD'S WORK!
Still I couldn't help but feel a void for personal reasons. I was once again caught up in a romantic situation where I was the pursuer and not the pursued. And foolishly, I continued to pursue that situation even tho my better judgment told me to run not walk away. He became what I call a Cristi Idol, someone who I idolized but judged me, wanted me to change, and didn't deem me worth of him. I let him consume me--my time, my energy and my thoughts. This was our third try and well each time I was hopeful that it would get better. Initially I disguised my feelings with friendship but before long, I was open. I knew it and so did he because he used those feelings to take advantage of me. He required of me girlfriend duties but with side bitch say and I desperately complied. Tightly I held on to the fact that he was treating me better than he had the times before but deep down, I knew it still wasn't what I wanted. There was no place I was content even when it came down to us being sexual, I wasn't pleased on any level yet I was there, wanting and willing to love him. I know I was trippin right...I guess I love the chase just like many men do. On a positive note, this third time around I made no room for him to be on that disrespectful bulls*it. And the moment I felt completely disrespected by him was the moment that I vowed to walk away and never look back.
However it was the everyday missing an idea of him and still choosing to love me more that sparked the birth of LoveQueen. I looked down on my tatted body at the mantras that I had placed on me permanently because I once vowed to live by them. One of my tats has a huge heart with LIFE written beneath it to symbolize LOVE LIFE and the other one is on the inside of my wrist with a heart followed by the word, YOU to symbolize LOVE YOU above anything else. I recognize that I am the rare breed that lives to love. I don't live to make money, I don't live for a fancy house or a dope ride, I live for the love of my friends, my family, and one day for the love of a significant other who I will eventually create children with. They will be the products of our shared love. And because I am a LoveQueen, I don't fret about currently being single because I pray on my spirit of patience that makes me content. I patiently await God's preparing of a man filled with enough love to match the kind I possess.
LoveQueen was born July 17, 2010 and will live until the day I die. She is strong, powerful, unafraid to let people go, loving, faithfully and fearless. She doesn't pretend to be something that she is not. She doesn't allow the judgments of what others think to affect what she thinks about herself. She is outside the lines, grinding and progressing. LoveQueen lives boldly, loves like she has never been hurt before, and believes the way God wants her too. LoveQueen Amazes, LoveQueen Loves, LoveQueen Speaks Life.....LoveQueen is Me.
